Hello there! It’s so nice to see you! How’s the baby? How’s the dog? How’s your credit score? And your retirement fund? What?! I care about your financial well-being!
Ok, fine. Enough with the pleasantries. Just say it. You can’t believe I’ve abandoned you. For the last 104 days, you’ve gone to bed wondering if tomorrow will be the day I finally post something new on the ol’ blog. The following morn’, upon realizing the answer is no, you shake your fists in the air, shout “Why, CC?! Why?!” and shed a single, slow-rolling tear.
Wait, what’s that, you say? You forgot I had a blog and haven’t visited since the last post? Well, this is awkward. I’m sure there’s a logical explanation. I’ve got it! I bet your internet broke! Or, you took a pledge to never read again, kind of like an elementary school reading pledge, except…the opposite. Or you had a freak accident, slipped into a coma and awoke with a hatred for all things fun, including wasting time reading semi-entertaining blogs.
You know what? Let’s not rehash the past. I’ll forgive you for forgetting about me and you’ll forgive me for putting aside blogging to tend to real life (watching more HGTV than usual). See? Easy. And speaking of real life, here are some funnyish tidbits from the last few months:
Funniest song purchased: “Every Little Step” by Bobby Brown. I think we can agree the album artwork is more valuable than the actual song. Nobody can pull off a turtle neck / suit combo quite like Mr. Brown.
Funniest voicemail received: (from my dad) “Hey, there’s a story on NPR, radio station 90.1, called ‘Can I touch your hair?’ and I thought about you because I know you have people do that. Anyway, I just thought you’d find it funny. Ok, see ya later, bye.”
Funniest (and saddest) rose bush grown in my backyard:
Funniest way I’ve damaged my car after boasting about my amazing driving skills last year (this is a four-way tie among the following events):
- Backing into a pole in a parking garage.
- Slamming my car door into my hip because I forgot to move out of the way first. I think I came dangerously close to breaking a hip at 28. That definitely would’ve confirmed my early-onset elderliness.
- Hitting the side view mirror of a parked car and somehow convincing the car owner it was more his fault than mine. Actually, I still think I’m right. He was parked illegally.
- Accidentally driving over a concrete parking spot barrier because I didn’t stop to think “Hey self, there might be one of those concrete parking spot barriers in front of your car. Maybe you shouldn’t hit the gas so hard that your car lands on top of the barrier before you have time to realize what’s happened. Or, better yet, maybe you should back out of the spot like a normal person. And also, as long as you’re talking to yourself, don’t forget to buy milk. You’re almost out.”
Funniest photo of my adorably chunky nephew Hatcher, who happens to believe in helmet safety just like his Aunt CC:
Funniest amount of progress I’ve made reading “Football for Dummies” (remember that unrealistic goal I set for myself?): 31 pages out of 344. Hey, calm down. I still have some time before college football starts up again. I’ll just need to sign up for a speed reading class. Or a “train yourself to care about stuff you will probably never care about” class.
Funniest email received from a utility company containing what seemed a lot like a pickup line:
Funniest picture someone’s sent me that makes me laugh every time I see it and therefore probably won’t be deleted from my phone anytime soon, oh, and I’m sorry for this run-on sentence:
Well, that’s all for now. Hopefully we’ll meet again sometime in the not-so-distant future. But, let’s be honest. It all depends on what’s on TV when I happen to find some blogging time. You kids take care!