CC’s Snippets: #1
01 Jun 2012 9 Comments
in CC's Snippets Tags: blogging, funny, humor, humour
Let’s face it, you guys. Reading can be super exhausting. I don’t think it’s fair that only children get books with few or zero words in them. Kids are so spoiled. They’re all “Waaah! I need a picture book! I don’t know how to read!” Well, I don’t see why I can’t afford the same luxury to my blog followers. Especially the slow readers and the illiterate ones.
So, starting today, in addition to my normal periodic blog posts, I’ll be posting quick snippets from real life, everyday L-I-V-I-N’. They’ll be short and sweet, just like Danny Devito would be if you dipped him in a vat of sugar. Anyway, sometimes I want to share tid-bits (random happenings, quotes or pictures) on the blog, but I don’t because they’re not full-post-worthy. Problem solved with the new snippet system. Sometimes I might share one tid-bit per snippet and sometimes I’ll share several.
Here are the expected benefits of the new post category:
- I’ll get to post more often without sacrificing precious
TV watchingexercising time. - My progression toward getting carpal tunnel syndrome will slow as a result of less typing.
- I won’t feel like I can’t share something on my blog simply because there’s not a big story behind it. Sometimes things are funnier or just as interesting without a long, drawn out explanation.
Be forewarned: these posts may not always be overtly funny, especially if I use more pictures than words. If you’re not willing to put forth the effort to imagine what hilarious commentary I could add, then maybe you and I weren’t meant to have a blogging relationship. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! Come back! Now, not only will some of these posts not be overtly funny, but some won’t even be remotely funny. These would cover things like deep thoughts, nature photos, announcements of significant life events and cute pictures of my dog. I like to call this “snippet diversification.” Catching onto the new lingo, yet?
Alrighty, here’s your first snippet!
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Tuesday night, I came home to find water all over the floor in the guest bathroom. After much investigative work and over-the-phone help from my dad to determine what was causing the leak, I began performing my first ever plumbing duties. It wasn’t my favorite. However, despite the nastiness of it all, it turned out pretty well. I learned the basics of taking apart the underbelly of a sink (no idea what all that junk is called) and discovered a new, innovative clog-clearing tool:
Chopsticks! Please don’t hate me for grossing you out.
This weekend I’ll get to fix my toilet that broke a few days before the sink.
*****
My new dog loves sleeping under blankets. She manages to wriggle under them on her own and I always get a kick out of it.
Dog? Or mummy?
*****
A few weeks ago, my roommate Allison and I were talking to my dad about speed dating. I was explaining that I don’t want to speed date because I feel that the type of guy I’d want to date wouldn’t go to one of those events. Then he said “What? You mean Travis Tritt wouldn’t speed date??” Allison and I sneered and were left speechless. He continued… “I thought he was that doctor guy you like.” No, that would be Travis Stork. Vast difference. Laughter ensued.
Travis Stork: Good
Travis Tritt: Not really my type
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Oh look! It’s already time for our first significant life event announcement! Come November, my brother and his wife will be having their first baby! And I’ll have my first nephew! I can’t wait. I’ve been an aunt to my niece for nearly 11 years now, so I’ve got the girly stuff down. I’m not sure what kinds of things he and I will do though. Maybe once he’s older, I’ll teach him all about plumbing and he can teach me about sports. Perfect trade.
Like this:
Crash Into Me. Everybody’s Doing It.
28 May 2012 9 Comments
in Did that really just happen? Tags: accident, car, crash, funny, humor, humour, middle-aged men, safety
If there’s one thing I’m proud of, it’s my impeccable driving record. Well, maybe it’s a tie between my impeccable driving record and the fact that I’ve purposely never used the term “my man” when referring to any past suitors. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Watch an episode of “Cheaters.”
Quality entertainment.
Anyway, I’ve been driving for 11 years now. In that time, I haven’t been in a single car accident, gotten a ticket or even been pulled over. Admit it. You’re impressed.
Let’s rewind to about 3 weeks ago. It’ll be just like “Back to the Future,” but without the DeLorean and futuristic shoes from 2015. Don’t laugh. There’s still time for those bad boys to take off. Okay, so there I was, cruisin’ in my ride (stylish mid-sized family sedan) when BAM! I got rear-ended by a van. Blast! The other driver and I exchanged information and I congratulated myself for being so kind to him. Then I felt happy that he didn’t kidnap me and put me in his van. Then I felt doubly happy that the whole thing only took a few minutes and I didn’t get called out on the radio for being that person holding up miles upon miles of traffic. There wasn’t any noticeable damage, with the exception of my tarnished 11 year-long accident free streak. Using highly flawed logic, I decided I wouldn’t be involved in another wreck for the next 11 years.
Pffft! 11 years? Not even close, my friends. Not even close. A mere 10 days after the previous accident, I got rear-ended again. What are the chances, you guys? Since we weren’t in a spot where we could pull over, I stuck my head out the window and mouthed “pull over!” which immediately made me think of “Dumb & Dumber.”
Cop: “Pull over!”
Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!”
Oh, Harry. You are just a hoot.
After exchanging information and being super nice again, despite the presence of minor bumper damage, I called my roommate to tell her and we each got a good, hearty laugh out of it. Later that night, I called my dad/insurance agent and told him that I had just been in my second accident in 10 days. Awesome.
I feel the need to mention that in both situations, there wasn’t any dispute regarding who was at fault. I would also like to mention that both people who hit me were men. And not just any men. Middle-aged men with presumably many more years of driving experience than me. I’m not usually all “girl power!” and stuff because I think it’s annoying, but come on. I know it’s not fair to make the generalization that all women are better drivers than all men, but I think it’s reasonable to say that I’m a better driver than all men. Yes, all men. Well, at least two of them.
I think we can all agree that there are a lot of bad drivers out there. Some drivers are careless or too aggressive, but I think the main problem is people not paying attention. I’m not usually a fan of bumper stickers, but if I ever wanted to ruin the paint on my car with one, I would buy one aimed at getting the attention of the person behind me in order to prevent an accident. Here are a few ideas for crash deterrents.
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If you would like to order one of these, I’m sorry. I’m not currently in the bumper sticker business. If you steal these ideas and make money, I’ll key your car. Okay, we all know I couldn’t do that. At the very least, I’ll send you a mean letter and call you out on my blog. Ouch!
Happy Memorial Day, everyone. Thanks to all who have served! And drive safe! “You can never be too careful, there’s a lot of bad drivers out there.” That’s another “Dumb & Dumber” quote. You’re welcome.
Photo credits:
1: http://images.zap2it.com/images/tv-EP00395460/cheaters-1.jpg
2: http://ih0.redbubble.net/image.11463660.2553/sticker,375×360.png
Like this:
Giddyup, Partner!
21 May 2012 24 Comments
in Infantile Obesity, My Childhood Tags: Alaska, child, childhood, family, fat, funny, horse, humor, humour, obese, Texas
A few days ago, I was telling someone that I’ve never been on a horse before. I always wanted to go horseback riding as a kid, but it just never happened. There weren’t exactly a lot of horses in Alaska, so I can understand why this dream didn’t come true in my early years. However, I’ve been in Texas for a good while now. You’d think I would’ve encountered one by now, but alas, I have not. I pass a few of them nearly every day on the way out of my neighborhood, for Pete’s sake.*
You’re probably feeling a tinge of sadness for me. After all, isn’t it a child’s rite of passage to ride on a creature that could throw him/her to his/her untimely death? So, like, woe is me, right?! Well, no need to worry friends. I’ve found some pictures that have helped to fill that horsey void. Granted, I don’t remember taking these pictures and the horse wasn’t real, but from what I can tell, I definitely thought I was riding a horse and I loved it.
Please note that these pictures also serve as additional proof that I was an enormous baby. I had just turned 1 here.
“Hey, y’all! Look at me on my purdy, fake horsey!”
I have trouble looking at the next one without laughing. I can’t tell for sure, but I must have been going awfully fast to achieve the whole hair-blowing-in-the-wind look.
“This. Is. Awesome!”
Here’s a picture of me, my brother and my sister earlier that year. It looks like my sister was just as excited, if not more, to be riding the ol’ pony. This one makes me laugh even more due to the ”I like cake!” look on her face. Ah, good times.
“Remember to always wear your finest dress and cardigan when riding your horsey.”
I think we still have the horse. If I ever have children (anybody taking bets on that yet?), I’ll be sure to take them horseback riding the way I learned. It’ll be cheaper that way.
*Who exactly is this Pete character, anyway?
