On the way home from work today, I was contemplating what I wanted my next blog post to be about. Or, more appropriately, which of my 10 drafts I wanted to finish. Between the time I pulled into my garage and actually walked in the door, my next post had been handed to me on a silver platter.
As I was stepping out of my car, I heard a young voice say “Excuse me!” I turned around and saw a blonde-headed girl standing on a scooter in my driveway. This was strange, given that I’ve lived here for nearly two years and haven’t spoken to my neighbors for more than 10 minutes total. I just assumed my community was specifically designated for those with severe social phobias who aren’t able to speak to strangers or mow their lawns. Anyway, this is the conversation that took place.
Girl: “Do you mind if I ride my scooter up and down your driveway? It’s really fun since it’s so steep.”
Me: “Um, sure, just be careful.”
Girl: “Thanks! Is your daughter home?”
Me: “Oh, I don’t have a daughter. I think you’re talking about my niece. She comes over sometimes.”
Girl: “How old is she?”
Girl: “Yeah, that’s her. I remember seeing her a long time ago. I’m 9. Will you ask her to come see if I’m home next time she’s at your house?”
Girl: “So, you don’t have any kids?”
Girl: “Hmm. So…do you have any, like, plans? To get some? Like, maybe adopt some?”
Me: “Nope, no current plans. I think I’ll have kids one day, just not any time soon.”
Girl: “How old are you?”
Girl: “Oh, my brother is 23. He plays video games all the time.”
Me: “Oh, that’s neat.”
Girl: “I remember your husband telling me about you.”
Me: “Yeah…that was my dad.” Sigh.
Girl: “So you don’t have a husband? Or a boyfriend?”
Me: “Nope…not at the moment. I’m sure I will eventually, just not right now.”
Girl: “You could do that online dating thing. My brother does it. He really likes to look at pretty girls on the internet.”
Me (in my head): “He sounds awesome.”
Girl: “Just be careful if you decide to date online. Always be sure to get a picture of the guy. My brother says a lot of people don’t want to send a picture or they’ll only send a picture of their face. You know why they do that? Because they’re probably, ya know…” (holds arms out to the side to indicate portliness).
Farewells and nice-to-meet-you’s were exchanged and I went inside, laughing out loud.
Here are the main takeaways:
- I look old enough to both have a 10 year-old child and be married to a 55 year-old man.
- I hear the adoption process can take years. Maybe I should get started ahead of time, given my refusal to participate in online dating. Especially after that conversation.
- There’s a decent chance this kid is about to play matchmaker. I saw the wheels turning in her head. She had the same look in her eyes as my parents when they spot a single male who could supply them with a herd of grandchildren. Note to self: don’t answer front door for 23 year-old gamers.