Awards Season: Part 2

Since the Oscars will be airing tonight, I thought this would be a good time to get all award-y up in here.  Below are the blog awards that I’ve received recently (I use this term loosely).   Please allow me to brag for a moment.  Be assured that I’m writing this while wearing my finest designer gown.  I’ll also be taking periodic breaks to pose for the cameras.

7×7 Link Award:  I received this award from Lyndon at The Dissemination of Thought back in December, but haven’t gotten around to thanking him just yet. Thanks Lyndon! 

 

The requirements for this award are to revisit 7 of my previous posts by selecting the ones that best fit the 7 categories below.   

Most Beautiful Post:  The Definition of Perfection: Travis Stork

I’ve chosen this as my most beautiful post because Travis Stork is undoubtedly beautiful. 

Most Helpful Post:  For the Love of the Brain

This one will probably save your life, should you choose to heed my advice.

Most Popular Post:  A Slap in the Face(book): 7 Senseless Facebook Crimes

This post is by far the most popular, as it periodically goes mini-viral (this isn’t an actual term- I made it up).  Please, if you want to help improve the Facebook world, share this one on your Facebook profile.  Together, we can make a change for the better.

Most Controversial Post:  Walmart is the WORST

Ok, I don’t think I actually have any controversial posts, but this one could qualify if the reader is pro-Walmart.  While we’re talking about it, here’s an update on my Walmart habits:  I recently swore off shopping at Walmart after nearly losing my cool in the store.  Yep, you guessed it- there was yet another coffee creamer shortage and I came close to yelling at the stock boy for refusing to help me.  Then, get this- a week or so later, there was a shooting at my local Walmart.  That pretty much sealed the deal.  I’m now a proud Target shopper. 

Most Surprisingly Successful Post:  Unleash Those Hidden Talents, Girlfriend! (or Boyfriend!)

This one did pretty well, which surprised me since it was kind of a spur-of-the-moment post. 

Most Underrated Post:  Is Magnum, P.I. My Father? An Investigation by Magnum, P.I.

I’ve received quite a bit of positive feedback for this one from friends and family, but because this was one of my first posts, it hasn’t been widely read. 

Most Pride-Worthy Post:  It’s a Man’s World

I’m proud of this post because it’s (hopefully) bringing attention to why women will probably never conquer the world as long as they’re expected to look presentable. 

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Candle Lighter Award:  I received this award in December from Sherline from Sherline’s Watchu Thinkin’ Blog. Thanks Sherline!

 

Here’s an excerpt from her blog explaining what this award is for:  This award belongs to those who believe, who always survive the day and those who never stop dreaming, for those who cannot quit, for those who keep trying.

I feel especially entitled to this award because I have, in fact, survived all of my days.  And if I hadn’t, I think you and I both would be perplexed as to how I could be writing this.  I also dream all the time.  Last night I dreamed that while attending a circus, an elephant stepped on my finger and I was ticked. 

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Sunshine Award:  This award was also given to me by Sherline at her other blog titled Ramblings of a Creative Mind

According to the rules of this award, I have to answer the following ten questions about myself.

Ten Questions:

  1. Favorite color:  Purple.  It’s feminine and strong, yet not obnoxious like pink. 
  2. Favorite animal: If we’re talking any animal, I would have to say Liger.  If we’re talking animal that I would allow in my home, Dog.  Definitely not Elephant.   
  3. Favorite number: 7
  4. Favorite non-alcoholic drink:  Peppermint hot chocolate.  Easy.
  5. Prefer Facebook or Twitter? I don’t use Twitter, and I vehemently refuse to.  Nothing against Twitterers, I just don’t have time for it.  I use Facebook quite a bit, but not nearly as much as about 20% of my friends who need to ease up on the status updates.
  6. My passion:  I’ve never had a “passion” per say, but blogging probably qualifies since it’s the first hobby I’ve had that I really enjoy.   
  7. Prefer getting or giving presents:  I could write a whole post about this.  I think our country needs serious gift reform.  I don’t necessarily dislike receiving or giving presents, but the pressure created by both is just out of control.
  8. Favorite pattern:  I like simple, yet bold patterns.  Nothing too ornate.  I could never be a member of the royal family.
  9. Favorite day of the week:  Saturday.   
  10. Favorite flower:  Tulips.

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Liebster Blog Award:  I received this award from Izzie at The Whatever Factor

 

I’ve already received this one before, but I’ll gladly accept it again.  Thanks Izzie!  

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Most of these awards have rules associated with them, which require me to hand the awards out to other bloggers.  In the interest of saving time, I’m just going to refer you to my newly instated listing of other blogs I like (see right hand side of my page).  I’ve avoided putting up such a list for quite a while, knowing that I’ll feel immense guilt for not listing every blog I’ve ever read.  So, just so you other bloggers know, I’m sticking to a rule of listing the blogs that I regularly frequent and that I think my readers will enjoy as well.

Conversations with a 500 year-old: Part 1

Do you remember playing the “If you could have any super power, what would it be?” game when you were a kid?  My response typically fluctuated between being able to fly, being invisible and being able to travel in time.  As a child with a wildly active imagination, I frequently daydreamed about all the advantages these skills could afford me. 

Being able to fly could allow me to:

  • Avoid being tagged at recess
  • Safely escape imminent attack by a wild animal while walking home from school
  • Make my friends green with envy

Being invisible could allow me to:

  • Eavesdrop on my siblings’ conversations
  • Figure out what goes on in the teachers’ lounge at school
  • Play hilarious tricks on people

My wanting to travel in time was a direct result of watching the movie “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.”  This movie changed my life.  All five years of it.  I dreamed of being able to travel into the past, but I drooled at the idea of being able to bring people from the past to the present.  I wanted to be a historical figure’s tour guide more than anything.  I loved getting to be the first person to break big news to someone (and still do).  It makes me feel like Ann Curry, minus the red lipstick and ever-so-gentle disposition. 

Anyway, let’s pretend time travel is possible and that I had the opportunity to show someone from history around.  To make sure we’re on the same page, I’m talking about someone from the 1 – 1750 A.D. timeframe, not 1975.  Actually, let’s say 1500, for the sake of consistency.  Here’s how I envision my day with ROG (Really Old Guy) would go:

After he exits the time travel telephone booth, I extend a warm welcome by smiling and handing him a cupcake.  Then I get right down to business.  I tell him that he’s travelled into the future.  When he doesn’t understand what I’m saying and reaches for his sword, I promptly sedate him.  I remove the weapon from his hand, spray some Febreze in his hair and wait for him to come to. 

Once he awakens from his slumber, I bring him a plate of meat and potatoes, which helps to calm him down.  While he eats, I explain the whole time travel thing again.  Finally, he understands the situation and agrees to let me show him what the future is like.  My dream has come true.  

Before I can take him into public, I show him what a shower looks like and tell him to take one immediately.  He fights me on this, arguing that he just bathed, like, a year ago.  I shake my head, tell him he’s so totally gross and explain the benefits of modern hygiene.  He concedes. 

I burn his clothes and give him the largest replacement clothes I can find:  an XXL t-shirt I received at a blood drive and a pair of men’s pajama pants I had to buy because women’s are never long enough.  His hair is an absolute rat’s nest, but luckily I have a lot of experience in this area.  I introduce him to Herbal Essences conditioner and begin brushing his hair.  Ok, even I haven’t had tangles like this before.  I give up and shave his head.  Oh my!  ROG is so handsome!

I decide to take him to Starbucks to enjoy a hot beverage and a chat.  As soon as we get in the car, I realize that I’ll have to explain what a car is and how it works:

CC:  “A car is a transportation device that goes fast.  It’s like a horse, but without the manure.  The way it works is, you put the key in the little keyhole and turn it.  There’s also some metal under the lid that does some stuff.   Got it?  Great!  Now let me show you how to work the radio- that’s the important part.”

ROG:  “Is there a man who can explain this “car” thing to me?  I feel that you’ve left out a few parts.”

CC:  “Oh, hush.  Everyone knows cars are boring anyway.” 

As we enter Starbucks, ROG asks why the person making the drinks has striped hair and colored stuff on her eyes and mouth.  I explain that women these days frequently change the color of their hair and put paint-like materials all over their faces in order to appear more attractive than they actually are.  He rolls his eyes and laments that women have become stranger than ever.  Based on that comment, I hold off on telling him about Lady Gaga.  It’s too soon.

We sit down and I’m riddled with anxiety over what major topic to cover first.  There are so many to choose from!  I turn and see him looking at a man talking on his cell phone.  The question marks floating above his head couldn’t be more obvious.   This was it.  I was going to embark on explaining telecommunications to ROG. 

Unfortunately, in the interest of preventing my posts from being obnoxiously long, I’m gonna go all Ryan Seacrest on you and tell you that you’ll have to wait for Part 2 to keep reading.  See ya next time, America!

A Strangely Critical Love Note and Beautiful Roses of Red

Not surprisingly, my 10 year-old niece always has more admirers than I do. It’s something I’ve just learned to accept. A few years ago, she and I had an in-depth conversation about boys. I was kidding when I asked if any boys liked her. She turned red and then quickly proceeded to ramble off the names of about 5 of her male classmates, along with the reasons she would never date them. It went something like this (with the names changed because I don’t remember them):

Reese (at age 7): “There’s this boy named Jake that really likes me, but he’s too short for me. Then there’s Michael, but he’s so immature. Pedro is, like, in love with me, but I only like him as a friend. Oh, and Corey…he’s really nice and we’re friends and everything, but he gets in trouble all the time. I just don’t understand how someone can get in trouble that much. I would never go out with someone like that. Jorge also likes me a lot, but, well…he has, like, really big thumbs.”

Better to be picky than to settle, right? I’ll never forget the big thumbs comment. She had clearly thought it through before concluding it was a deal breaker. I still like to joke with her about that one.

Anyway, Reese has outshined me once again in the admirer arena. For Valentine’s Day, one of her longtime admirers got down on one knee in front of everyone (gasp!) and gave her a red rose with the following note:

Dear Reese,

I want to tell you that you’re hot and beautiful and you should have this beautiful rose of red.  Happy Valentine’s Day.

P.S. Why did you wear your Toms 5 weekdays in a row?

P.S.S. I like your Toms.

Don't you DARE wear these 5 days in a row.

 My sister says he’s a typical male, since he seems to think that Love + Random (critical) thought + Backpedaling = Love.  Personally, I think he’s a keeper based on his ability to spell “you’re” correctly.  Most adults can’t seem to pull that off.
 
Reese says she got teased for it at recess, but I think we all know that the other girls were just jealous. That’s what I tell myself when women look at me with pity after “that guy” approaches me in line at the grocery store. When I say “that guy,” I don’t mean someone like Brad Pitt; I mean someone more like…Flavor Flav.
 

Acceptable in-store conversationalist.

Less acceptable in-store conversationalist.

Suffice it to say, I did not receive any roses of red for Valentine’s Day. My friend Lindsy and I were complaining to each other about how the non-single people were overtaking our Facebook newsfeeds with pictures of their Valentine’s Day gifts. We decided I should post a picture of flowers with no explanation. Just for fun. I had my roommate send me a picture of the flowers she got from her boyfriend and I posted it on my wall. First of all, the reaction to my having a new male suitor was overwhelmingly underwhelming. Second of all, I failed to consider that I would feel like a horrible person and liar upon receiving a few “likes” and comments of excitement and hope, rather than the nosey questions I had expected. I’m especially sorry for leading my grandmother to believe I had a boyfriend/potential future husband. This was admittedly a poorly thought out joke.  The worst part is that I could’ve turned this into a really good prank, as my intended targets (sister, sister-in-law, mom) quickly pointed out to me upon the confession of my lie. My sister-in-law said I could’ve brought Kia Soul back to life by saying he sent me the flowers. My sister said I could’ve acted like I had a secret admirer/stalker, dragging it out for months. My mom was just surprised that I ended the joke so quickly.

I hope everyone had a good Valentine’s Day, especially those of you who had the decorum to keep your incredibly personal love talk off of Facebook.