Not surprisingly, my 10 year-old niece always has more admirers than I do. It’s something I’ve just learned to accept. A few years ago, she and I had an in-depth conversation about boys. I was kidding when I asked if any boys liked her. She turned red and then quickly proceeded to ramble off the names of about 5 of her male classmates, along with the reasons she would never date them. It went something like this (with the names changed because I don’t remember them):
Reese (at age 7): “There’s this boy named Jake that really likes me, but he’s too short for me. Then there’s Michael, but he’s so immature. Pedro is, like, in love with me, but I only like him as a friend. Oh, and Corey…he’s really nice and we’re friends and everything, but he gets in trouble all the time. I just don’t understand how someone can get in trouble that much. I would never go out with someone like that. Jorge also likes me a lot, but, well…he has, like, really big thumbs.”
Better to be picky than to settle, right? I’ll never forget the big thumbs comment. She had clearly thought it through before concluding it was a deal breaker. I still like to joke with her about that one.
Anyway, Reese has outshined me once again in the admirer arena. For Valentine’s Day, one of her longtime admirers got down on one knee in front of everyone (gasp!) and gave her a red rose with the following note:
I want to tell you that you’re hot and beautiful and you should have this beautiful rose of red. Happy Valentine’s Day.
P.S. Why did you wear your Toms 5 weekdays in a row?
P.S.S. I like your Toms.
Suffice it to say, I did not receive any roses of red for Valentine’s Day. My friend Lindsy and I were complaining to each other about how the non-single people were overtaking our Facebook newsfeeds with pictures of their Valentine’s Day gifts. We decided I should post a picture of flowers with no explanation. Just for fun. I had my roommate send me a picture of the flowers she got from her boyfriend and I posted it on my wall. First of all, the reaction to my having a new male suitor was overwhelmingly underwhelming. Second of all, I failed to consider that I would feel like a horrible person and liar upon receiving a few “likes” and comments of excitement and hope, rather than the nosey questions I had expected. I’m especially sorry for leading my grandmother to believe I had a boyfriend/potential future husband. This was admittedly a poorly thought out joke. The worst part is that I could’ve turned this into a really good prank, as my intended targets (sister, sister-in-law, mom) quickly pointed out to me upon the confession of my lie. My sister-in-law said I could’ve brought Kia Soul back to life by saying he sent me the flowers. My sister said I could’ve acted like I had a secret admirer/stalker, dragging it out for months. My mom was just surprised that I ended the joke so quickly.
I hope everyone had a good Valentine’s Day, especially those of you who had the decorum to keep your incredibly personal love talk off of Facebook.