This past Sunday, my niece Reese informed me that she would be getting braces today. At first I felt sorry for her. I knew that such an event could be terribly traumatizing for a girl nearing middle school. But before I could feel those feelings, I was assured that she was actually excited. Did I say excited? I meant thrilled. Yes, a person who enjoys wearing metal on their teeth. I attribute her enthusiasm to her young age. At 10 years old, she’s not yet in the awkward years and doesn’t see such a thing as cause for an emotional breakdown. The even crazier part is that she’s already had braces before and she’s still looking forward to it. Kids these days…
All of the talk about braces got me reminiscing about my years in teeth shackles. Braces and I go way back. Like Reese, I endured two rounds of orthodontia. The first time was in 3rd grade to correct an overbite, which I’m sure was just the cutest. The second time was in my teen years. I’m suddenly wondering what the purpose was that time. I guess my parents were looking for a way to unload some spare cash. Not that I’m not grateful. I am. Here’s a picture of the teeth in question, present day:
These teeth have been through a lot.
Let’s rewind to that first time in braces. It was bad. Why, you ask? Because it wasn’t just braces. Oh me, oh my. No, it was so much more. To go along with my attractive new braces, I got, ahem, headgear. Yeah, yeah, yeah…have a good laugh. Are you done? Good. Yes, the girl with curly hair and glasses was blessed with both braces and headgear all at once. I know what you’re thinking- “That Carly is such a whiner! There are way worse things to worry about than a little embarrassment!” Let’s disregard the aesthetic aspect for a moment and discuss the physical agony involved.
I believe I have a high tolerance for pain. I don’t think I was born with it. It developed over time, thanks to two main contributing factors. First, I was forced to endure the pain that came with having a rat’s nest for a head of hair. My mom would have to brush through tangles that only Satan could create. It was a hard time for all involved. There were tears, followed by a young girl wishing for straight hair. Rinse and repeat that for about 10 years. Second, there was the headgear. If you’re not familiar, this is a device that wraps around one’s head. It has little metal hooks on the outside that attach to little metal hooks that have been glued to your teeth. Now, the purpose of the headgear is to move your jaw or your teeth (or something) in a way that normal braces cannot. To make sure you get your money’s worth, the headgear is adjusted to ensure your face is rapidly moved in the most excrutiating way possible, just before you reach your absolute limit. And this happens every time you put the thing on. Perhaps I just had a bad experience, but if a new form of physical punishment is ever needed, look no further. This will do the trick. Seriously, it was awful. My one saving grace was that I only had to wear it at home. Thank. Goodness.
Oh, but we’re not done. Following the braces and the headgear, I received a special retainer. Nope, I couldn’t have just any ol’ retainer. I got a “bionator.” I can’t even type that without picturing Arnold Schwarzenegger. Anyway, this was a massive retainer, designed to take up every last square centimeter of my mouth. As I recall, I couldn’t even talk with that thing in. I can remember what it looked like. I can remember what the plastic tasted like. More profoundly, I can remember the sound of my brother and sister taunting me. Did I mention neither of them were born with freak teeth? Oh, wait, neither was I. Remember…this was all for my bite. My teeth weren’t even crooked! Oh, the injustice.
Lucky for me, I was a good little girl and did everything my orthodontists told me to and have (kind of) straight teeth today. Lucky for you, I found a picture of the headgear. Enjoy. I have to go put it my retainer.
Torture in its purest form.
Oh the dreaded head gear. I was lucky enough to miss out on that treat, but did suffer through adult braces. Not sure which is worse… But I think our killer smiles are worth it
I didn’t realize so many other people had headgear until today. I guess most of us were lucky enough not to have to wear it in public. You’re right…it was painful, but worth it in the end.
Your dog looks like shes pretending to sleep to comfort you. Haha. Like hes saying “there there…there there…” =)
Haha! You’re right, she does! They say dogs can sense danger…maybe they can sense others’ pain as well.
Her poor lips are so swollen this morning. Having full top and bottom hurts qite a bit more than the 4 front teeth she had braces on before. Don’t forget to mention that she also loved her head gear!
Oh poor thing. Thank goodness she’s excited about them in spite of the pain. I forgot that she liked the headgear. I should’ve put up the picture of you and her cuddling when she had the headgear on.
Poor Reese and poor Carly. I had my braces on in High School. I didn’t get them off until my Senior Year.
Whit- The prank lives on. Will you forever be “howridiculousisit”?
Carly- I found a typo in your blog.
Haha! Ok, I’ll stop complaining. I think I had mine on until sophomore year. Reese will be lucky to have it over with.
And hold up…when did you create your blog title? Was it at the same time that Whit created hers? Or just now?
Yeah…any time I go back and read a past blog I usually find some kind of typo. I’m a hypocrite, I know. After writing a post, it all blurs together and I totally miss the typos.
Oh, the memories this post brings back. I too wore “teeth shackles” (love that term) head gear, rubber bands and retainers when the rest of the torture was done. Once, in gym class, I got hit in the face with a ball and opened my mouth to yell.. Rubber bands shot out of my mouth in every direction. At that moment, I truly believed it was possible to die from embarrassment.
That is hilarious! You’ve got to write a blog post about that. I got the funniest image in my head. You poor thing!
Actually, I hadn’t thought about that painful memory until I read your post
Now that you’ve suggested it, I may write a post about it in the future. Thanks for the idea.
I had to wear braces for almost 3 years…it was only supposed to be 2 but I didn’t wear the rubber bands as much as I was supposed to. I always got the purple or teal colors.
Ah geez, that’s a long time. It’s cruel how the orthodontists always underestimate how long it’ll take. If anything, they should overestimate so kids don’t get their hopes up for nothing.
I still have weird dreams about my headgear and retainers. I can still remember how awful it felt to have it on. I only had to wear it at night but often I would wake up only to find my headgear lying on the floor across the room because I would take it off in my sleep.
Haha! I guess it can’t be very effective if you take it off in your sleep. I had no idea so many other people had headgear. I guess it’s something kids don’t like to brag about to each other.
I don’t get how kids look forward to braces these days either! You poor thing with the headgear, so so sad! I got glasses and braces within a month of each other when I was 12. My dad joked that I looked like I had stuck my face in his tool box – and proceeded to tell the joke to everyone he knew…
That’s so funny! I’m sure you had a good sense of humor and your dad knew you could take the joke. People talk about how difficult the middle school years are…maybe that’s why they’re putting braces on kids in elementary school more often. Anything to ease the onslaught of embarrassment.
Oh, braces. That picture is adorable — what a champ you were! I never had a headgear but I had this awful bridge device that my mom had to put a tiny key into each night and “crank” so as to slowly enlarge the roof of my mouth. I have a sense this type of crackpot stuff went on at Abu Ghraib.
I was not a good retainer-wearing girl so I ended up getting braces again as a 26 year old. Although, my smile and bite have never been better and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, despite that I wore them for 2 years. Ugh.
Memories…
I was lucky enough never to need braces, but I saw kids that had them and all the rubber bands and head harnesses, etc. It didn’t look like any fun to me. I guess those perfectly straight teeth are nice to flash (mine are a bit crooked), but oh the pain and suffering (and expense) to get them…
You’re so lucky! Sometimes I wonder why braces are so important, especially when the rest of the world doesn’t seem to need them. Maybe Americans just have really bad teeth genes. Or we’re willing to spend absurd amounts of money to have straight teeth
This explains a lot. That picture is adorable. Looks like you were at the forefront of optical fashion too.
Haha! Yeah…I did my best to embody all dorky stereotypes at one time.
Yeah, I’m with you – my mother tells me I drank so much milk as a child, my baby teeth wouldn’t fall out, meaning 15 of them had to be extracted, followed by years of braces on my big teeth, headgear, elastics.. the worst part is they’re still not freaking straight after all that. Tell your niece to learn from me and wear her retainer till she’s ninety!
Oh I’ll definitely tell her to!
Isn’t it funny how much agony we go through, only to refuse to wear the retainer later? My bottom teeth move within an hour or so after taking out the retainer, so half the time I think it’s useless anyway. The guy who did my braces was a dentist who was venturing into orthodontia, so I was a guinea pig. My teeth aren’t nearly as straight as I think they should be, but oh well. Better than completely crooked teeth I suppose.
Thanks for reading and come back any time!
OMG…my goddaughter who is 8 just got braces and thinks it is the BEST. THING. EVER. I, too, suffered through the headgear and rubber bands and cannot imagine being excited to get them. Because it is so exciting to have a wire snap and jab you in your lip in the middle of class only to go to the school nurse hoping she has wax and she takes wire cutters to your braces….nope. Not scarred for life over that incident.