If there’s one thing I’m proud of, it’s my impeccable driving record. Well, maybe it’s a tie between my impeccable driving record and the fact that I’ve purposely never used the term “my man” when referring to any past suitors. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Watch an episode of “Cheaters.”
Anyway, I’ve been driving for 11 years now. In that time, I haven’t been in a single car accident, gotten a ticket or even been pulled over. Admit it. You’re impressed.
Let’s rewind to about 3 weeks ago. It’ll be just like “Back to the Future,” but without the DeLorean and futuristic shoes from 2015. Don’t laugh. There’s still time for those bad boys to take off. Okay, so there I was, cruisin’ in my ride (stylish mid-sized family sedan) when BAM! I got rear-ended by a van. Blast! The other driver and I exchanged information and I congratulated myself for being so kind to him. Then I felt happy that he didn’t kidnap me and put me in his van. Then I felt doubly happy that the whole thing only took a few minutes and I didn’t get called out on the radio for being that person holding up miles upon miles of traffic. There wasn’t any noticeable damage, with the exception of my tarnished 11 year-long accident free streak. Using highly flawed logic, I decided I wouldn’t be involved in another wreck for the next 11 years.
Pffft! 11 years? Not even close, my friends. Not even close. A mere 10 days after the previous accident, I got rear-ended again. What are the chances, you guys? Since we weren’t in a spot where we could pull over, I stuck my head out the window and mouthed “pull over!” which immediately made me think of “Dumb & Dumber.”
Cop: “Pull over!”
Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!”
After exchanging information and being super nice again, despite the presence of minor bumper damage, I called my roommate to tell her and we each got a good, hearty laugh out of it. Later that night, I called my dad/insurance agent and told him that I had just been in my second accident in 10 days. Awesome.
I feel the need to mention that in both situations, there wasn’t any dispute regarding who was at fault. I would also like to mention that both people who hit me were men. And not just any men. Middle-aged men with presumably many more years of driving experience than me. I’m not usually all “girl power!” and stuff because I think it’s annoying, but come on. I know it’s not fair to make the generalization that all women are better drivers than all men, but I think it’s reasonable to say that I’m a better driver than all men. Yes, all men. Well, at least two of them.
I think we can all agree that there are a lot of bad drivers out there. Some drivers are careless or too aggressive, but I think the main problem is people not paying attention. I’m not usually a fan of bumper stickers, but if I ever wanted to ruin the paint on my car with one, I would buy one aimed at getting the attention of the person behind me in order to prevent an accident. Here are a few ideas for crash deterrents.
If you would like to order one of these, I’m sorry. I’m not currently in the bumper sticker business. If you steal these ideas and make money, I’ll key your car. Okay, we all know I couldn’t do that. At the very least, I’ll send you a mean letter and call you out on my blog. Ouch!
Happy Memorial Day, everyone. Thanks to all who have served! And drive safe! “You can never be too careful, there’s a lot of bad drivers out there.” That’s another “Dumb & Dumber” quote. You’re welcome.