If there’s one thing I’m proud of, it’s my impeccable driving record. Well, maybe it’s a tie between my impeccable driving record and the fact that I’ve purposely never used the term “my man” when referring to any past suitors. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Watch an episode of “Cheaters.”
Quality entertainment.
Anyway, I’ve been driving for 11 years now. In that time, I haven’t been in a single car accident, gotten a ticket or even been pulled over. Admit it. You’re impressed.
Let’s rewind to about 3 weeks ago. It’ll be just like “Back to the Future,” but without the DeLorean and futuristic shoes from 2015. Don’t laugh. There’s still time for those bad boys to take off. Okay, so there I was, cruisin’ in my ride (stylish mid-sized family sedan) when BAM! I got rear-ended by a van. Blast! The other driver and I exchanged information and I congratulated myself for being so kind to him. Then I felt happy that he didn’t kidnap me and put me in his van. Then I felt doubly happy that the whole thing only took a few minutes and I didn’t get called out on the radio for being that person holding up miles upon miles of traffic. There wasn’t any noticeable damage, with the exception of my tarnished 11 year-long accident free streak. Using highly flawed logic, I decided I wouldn’t be involved in another wreck for the next 11 years.
Pffft! 11 years? Not even close, my friends. Not even close. A mere 10 days after the previous accident, I got rear-ended again. What are the chances, you guys? Since we weren’t in a spot where we could pull over, I stuck my head out the window and mouthed “pull over!” which immediately made me think of “Dumb & Dumber.”
Cop: “Pull over!”
Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for noticing!”
Oh, Harry. You are just a hoot.
After exchanging information and being super nice again, despite the presence of minor bumper damage, I called my roommate to tell her and we each got a good, hearty laugh out of it. Later that night, I called my dad/insurance agent and told him that I had just been in my second accident in 10 days. Awesome.
I feel the need to mention that in both situations, there wasn’t any dispute regarding who was at fault. I would also like to mention that both people who hit me were men. And not just any men. Middle-aged men with presumably many more years of driving experience than me. I’m not usually all “girl power!” and stuff because I think it’s annoying, but come on. I know it’s not fair to make the generalization that all women are better drivers than all men, but I think it’s reasonable to say that I’m a better driver than all men. Yes, all men. Well, at least two of them.
I think we can all agree that there are a lot of bad drivers out there. Some drivers are careless or too aggressive, but I think the main problem is people not paying attention. I’m not usually a fan of bumper stickers, but if I ever wanted to ruin the paint on my car with one, I would buy one aimed at getting the attention of the person behind me in order to prevent an accident. Here are a few ideas for crash deterrents.
***** 
***** 
***** 
*****
If you would like to order one of these, I’m sorry. I’m not currently in the bumper sticker business. If you steal these ideas and make money, I’ll key your car. Okay, we all know I couldn’t do that. At the very least, I’ll send you a mean letter and call you out on my blog. Ouch!
Happy Memorial Day, everyone. Thanks to all who have served! And drive safe! “You can never be too careful, there’s a lot of bad drivers out there.” That’s another “Dumb & Dumber” quote. You’re welcome.
Photo credits:
1: http://images.zap2it.com/images/tv-EP00395460/cheaters-1.jpg
2: http://ih0.redbubble.net/image.11463660.2553/sticker,375×360.png
Ha ha! And how ironic your dad is an insurance guy–is it for auto insurance?
And for the record, “Dumb & Dumber” quotes are always welcome. “Hey, wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?” I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard as I did during that scene.
Oh me, too! I’ve watched that movie more times than I can count and that’s one of my favorite scenes.
And yes, I get all of my insurance through him, including auto. It’s also ironic that he’s only been my agent for about 6 months and now I’ve started getting in accidents.
Must be some cosmic influences at play.
I would definitely buy those bumper stickers.
Some girl rear-ended me a couple years ago, and she didn’t even get out of her car to see if I was ok or look at the damage. I got out and told her besides a scratch my car was fine. She didn’t even bother to look at her own car.
Wow. I’d guess her parents bought her car and she wasn’t facing a big deductible. That, or she was rattled? Maybe?
Oh, that’s just wrong! Twice? What are the odds?
I laid on my horn long and loud very recently — to get the attention of the driver coming up BEHIND ME who was texting and not looking (I’m a watcher of my rearview). I’m certain she (yes, a young she) would have nailed me if I hadn’t. The other drivers around me (not having a clue) were cursing at me for freaking them out.
Yes, that’s what we’ve come to. Sitting at a stop light, minding our own business, honking for people to STOP.
I currently feel like I’m facing that type of situation all the time (both in driving and non-driving scenarios)! Seems like the smart thing to do is so obvious, but getting others to pay attention and not be stupid is so difficult.
I drive very differently now since the advent of the telephone-at-the-wheel. Distracted drivers do some boneheaded things. Scary. I can’t tell you how many serious accidents I have avoided with my whole family in the car (even a few I’ve WITNESSED) from people talking or texting on a phone on the road.
Just yesterday in a Target parking lot, a truck with a trailer was driving “across” the lot which was full of cars. If I hadn’t been paying attention, we were seconds from a T-bone. And HE wasn’t even on the phone.
Okay, I bow down. You are a better driver than me. Good story and good writing. I was reading this one on my smartphone while I was driving.
Victory is mine! I’m a better driver than Les! Now put your phone down, Les. Bad! Very bad!
those are classic bumper stickers. you should so make money off of that.
I’ll have to see what bumper stickers are going for these days…hopefully upwards of $10. I don’t have high hopes.
Love the bumper stickers! As your two incidents were not your fault, I think you can continue to be proud of your driving record. Wear your seatbelt.
Thanks! Glad you liked the stickers.
Someone else pointed out the same thing- I’m claiming a perfect driving record again. Not sure how something so obvious didn’t occur to me.
I don’t count other people hitting me as ruining MY perfect record, and I don’t think that you should either. You didn’t get in an accident, an accident happened to you. Just saying.
You’re so right! As of right now, the driving record is spotless again