Gather round, friends. I have something to tell you and I’m not proud to say it. You might even find it a little offensive. Fine, I’ll just come right out with it: I hate football. I know what you’re thinking- “How!? Why?! No! This can’t be!” Well, it be.
In my defense, the reason I don’t enjoy watching it is because I’ve never really learned the rules. And also because I have sports-induced ADD. And because I’m a pro at looking super interested in something while I’m actually thinking about puppies and unicorns.
I’ve had several friends try their darndest to educate me, but before they can finish their first sentence, I’ve already zoned out. Don’t worry, I always apologize for being rude. And then I beg them to stop talking. It’s for their own good.
Despite the fact that I’ve lived in Texas, the football capital of the world, for all my teenage and adult life, I’ve managed to tune out most football-related talk with ease. I actually went to college at Texas A&M, a school known for its enthusiastic love of the game. (Yes, I know, it isn’t the only school that loves football. I’m just trying to make a point here). And, believe it or not, I attended most of the games (at least for the first few years). I even enjoyed myself between near bouts of heat stroke. Standing for 3+ hours in 95+ degree heat? Not my strong suit. Anyway, while I clapped and yelled along with the crowd, I was actually in far-off Carlyland. The weather’s lovely there.
So, I bet you’re wondering why I bring this up. Well, here’s the thing…I’m sick of being out of the loop. More importantly, I’m tired of being bored to tears when football comes on. Personally, I see nothing wrong with watching a chick flick and putting the game in that little picture-in-picture box in the bottom corner of the screen, but apparently that isn’t “normal” or “even remotely acceptable.”
Here’s how I plan to conquer this beast:
Yep, Football for Dummies. I’m not even ashamed. Here’s my game plan: read it and actually pay attention.
I fully expect this to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I know, I know, first world problems. Seriously though, I don’t have any real motivation for finishing since there isn’t a test at the end to prove myself. Yes, I like tests. Not for tests’ sake, but because I need something to work toward and to know in black and white terms whether or not I succeeded. Shoot, I’d rather take the CPA exam again than read this book. Ok, that’s not true. But as long as tax season is approaching and we’re talking about CPA’s, I don’t do taxes. Just thought I’d reiterate that one more time.
I specifically chose to begin this journey right after the Super Bowl. This should give me plenty of time to learn the basics before college football starts up in the fall. With A&M expected to have an exciting season, I’d really like to be able to get into it instead of feeling guilty for being the worst Aggie ever.
But this isn’t just about me. This is also about you. Your willingness to support me in my endeavor will you bring you immense peace and happiness. Why? Because the next time I see you at a football-fueled gathering, the less I’ll talk during the game. Score! (Do people still say that?) So, what do I mean when I say “support?” Hold me accountable. Encourage me. Tell me to try harder. Ignore me when I tell you to shut it. Call me lazy when I say I want to give up. Forgive me when I pay you a cruel yet creative insult that I didn’t really mean. I’m sorry, it’s the football. It changes me.
I’ll let you know how it’s going along the way. By the way, did you notice my sprinkling of sports terms throughout this post? I bet you did, you sneaky little linebacker, you!
Photo Credits: 1) http://sleepwalkers.guildomatic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=1384&sid=3c068dcf4b5c93543fd69094657f3486 2) http://collegefootball.about.com/od/stadiums/ig/Scary-Stadiums/Kyle-Field.htm 3) http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/97/81/11/80/12/9781118012611_500X500.jpg 4) http://binaryapi.ap.org/bd2c5b02d7694b6890a04ea04e01dbc1/460x.jpg