I could really use a nanny. No, I don’t have kids.
I feel like a child who needs constant supervision. While I’m usually pretty responsible, I’ve always been naturally accident prone and forgetful (I’m certain this is a genetic defect). The past few weeks have been a little more eventful than normal in this regard. I’ve been a bit off my game and just can’t seem to function like a grown person.
If you look at any of these incidents individually, they don’t appear to be that concerning. However, when you consider all of these together, one has to wonder why some of us are allowed to live independently. See list of events below:
1. I obtained a mild, yet painful, burn while ironing a shirt.
2. I ran into the wall several times. This is actually a regular occurrence. Nothing new here.
3. After getting in my car, I turned my head to the right, only to realize that some of my hair was caught in the door.
4. I hit my leg on the corner of my glass coffee table while rushing to and fro. This is also a recurring experience, but this time it left a HUGE bruise. I would’ve taken a picture of it but didn’t think to when the bruise was at its height. Trust me though, it was intense. There were several colors involved.
5. When I cook lasagna noodles, I put each one in the pot separately, gently forcing them into the water so that they’re completely submerged. This time around, while pushing a noodle into the pot, it violently broke and my hand was suddenly immersed in boiling water. It didn’t hurt as much as I expected, but it wasn’t what I would call a good time.
6. I took some of the lasagna with me to work in a Tupperware container. Two weeks later, I found the container still sitting in my car, overgrown by very bad things. See for yourself:
7. As some of you know, I take a sleep-aid on occasion (every night). For the millionth time, it’s non-habit forming. I take it because there’s simply too much activity going on in the ol’ noggin. By the time I lay me down to sleep, I have trouble turning off my brain and will lay there thinking for hours. A little while after taking it, I enter what I call “the Ambien state.” When I’m in this state, I’m perfectly aware of what I’m doing, but I become a little loopy/silly/weird and frequently laugh the next morning when I recall the things I’ve done. My roommate gets a big kick out of this. Anyway, the other night, I decided to enjoy an ice cream treat between taking the Ambien and going to bed. The next morning, I opened the fridge and this is what I saw:
Yes, I put the remainder of the ice cream in the fridge instead of the freezer. What a waste! Luckily there wasn’t much left in the container. Thank goodness. By the way, this ice cream (actually, sorbet) is awesome (and low-calorie).
8. I poured boiling water on my finger while making curly noodles (yum!). Surprisingly, this was far more painful than the other boiling water event above.
9. While exiting my car, I managed to hit my head on the inside of the roof in a way that hurt so badly I was concerned there could be brain damage. Should’ve worn my helmet.
10. As I turned left onto a poorly lit street, I heard honking and realized I had ended up on the wrong side of the median. Luckily, my fast-acting instincts came into play and I immediately made a u-turn. You would’ve been impressed…it was a great u-turn. I think the person in the mini-van next to me felt differently.