books | That's Just Ridiculous by Curly Carly

Gather round, friends. I have something to tell you and I’m not proud to say it. You might even find it a little offensive. Fine, I’ll just come right out with it: I hate football. I know what you’re thinking- “How!? Why?! No! This can’t be!” Well, it be.

In my defense, the reason I don’t enjoy watching it is because I’ve never really learned the rules. And also because I have sports-induced ADD. And because I’m a pro at looking super interested in something while I’m actually thinking about puppies and unicorns.

Oh yeah, that’s neat.

I’ve had several friends try their darndest to educate me, but before they can finish their first sentence, I’ve already zoned out. Don’t worry, I always apologize for being rude. And then I beg them to stop talking. It’s for their own good.

Despite the fact that I’ve lived in Texas, the football capital of the world, for all my teenage and adult life, I’ve managed to tune out most football-related talk with ease. I actually went to college at Texas A&M, a school known for its enthusiastic love of the game. (Yes, I know, it isn’t the only school that loves football. I’m just trying to make a point here). And, believe it or not, I attended most of the games (at least for the first few years). I even enjoyed myself between near bouts of heat stroke. Standing for 3+ hours in 95+ degree heat? Not my strong suit. Anyway, while I clapped and yelled along with the crowd, I was actually in far-off Carlyland. The weather’s lovely there.

Can you see me? I’m the one in the maroon shirt.

So, I bet you’re wondering why I bring this up. Well, here’s the thing…I’m sick of being out of the loop. More importantly, I’m tired of being bored to tears when football comes on. Personally, I see nothing wrong with watching a chick flick and putting the game in that little picture-in-picture box in the bottom corner of the screen, but apparently that isn’t “normal” or “even remotely acceptable.”

Here’s how I plan to conquer this beast:

I’m so scared!

Yep, Football for Dummies. I’m not even ashamed. Here’s my game plan: read it and actually pay attention.

I fully expect this to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I know, I know, first world problems. Seriously though, I don’t have any real motivation for finishing since there isn’t a test at the end to prove myself. Yes, I like tests. Not for tests’ sake, but because I need something to work toward and to know in black and white terms whether or not I succeeded. Shoot, I’d rather take the CPA exam again than read this book. Ok, that’s not true. But as long as tax season is approaching and we’re talking about CPA’s, I don’t do taxes. Just thought I’d reiterate that one more time.

I specifically chose to begin this journey right after the Super Bowl. This should give me plenty of time to learn the basics before college football starts up in the fall. With A&M expected to have an exciting season, I’d really like to be able to get into it instead of feeling guilty for being the worst Aggie ever.

Don’t hate me, Johnny!

But this isn’t just about me. This is also about you. Your willingness to support me in my endeavor will you bring you immense peace and happiness. Why? Because the next time I see you at a football-fueled gathering, the less I’ll talk during the game. Score! (Do people still say that?) So, what do I mean when I say “support?” Hold me accountable. Encourage me. Tell me to try harder. Ignore me when I tell you to shut it. Call me lazy when I say I want to give up. Forgive me when I pay you a cruel yet creative insult that I didn’t really mean. I’m sorry, it’s the football. It changes me.

I’ll let you know how it’s going along the way. By the way, did you notice my sprinkling of sports terms throughout this post? I bet you did, you sneaky little linebacker, you!

Photo Credits: 1) http://sleepwalkers.guildomatic.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=1384&sid=3c068dcf4b5c93543fd69094657f3486 2) http://collegefootball.about.com/od/stadiums/ig/Scary-Stadiums/Kyle-Field.htm 3) http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/97/81/11/80/12/9781118012611_500X500.jpg 4) http://binaryapi.ap.org/bd2c5b02d7694b6890a04ea04e01dbc1/460x.jpg

One of my blogger friends, Jeandayfriday, has asked me to answer the following questions. This is perfect, because I’ve got about 5 blog post drafts in the works that I can’t seem to finish (hence, the recent decline in number of posts). Short questions like these are ideal for allowing one to blog without one’s A.D.D. getting in the way. So, here we go:

1. If you could be any literary character for a day, who would you choose and why? Easy. Cinderella. Hands down. I always related to her as a child, because:

Both of us had to clean, even though our siblings got off the hook (sometimes).
Both of us had birds flying around inside our castles/houses. Cinderella let her bird friends in through the window each morning and I had freak cats who would catch birds, bring them inside through the dog door, let them free in the house and then (eek!) end their short birdy lives.
Both of us would lie on the ground next to our bedroom door crying “It’s no use! It’s just…no…use!” I did this often when forced to take a nap. I had a really rough childhood. I’m beginning to think I was a bit more dramatic than I originally thought.

2. If time travel was possible, where would you like to visit? Funny you should ask! I just wrote a post about how badly I want to travel in time. I think it’s a tie between the following:

any time and place when having curly hair was considered attractive by the 25-40 male demographic
the U.S. Colonies in the 1600’s in order to gain an appreciation for what it’s like to risk everything for freedom and to wear the fun pilgrim costume
this past weekend at my house when I dropped a fork on my foot, so that I could either move my foot, drop a cotton ball or marshmallow instead of a fork, or maybe not drop the fork at all

3. What is your biggest pet peeve? Another tie on this one…

When someone messes with their phone while you’re having a conversation with them. Rude.
When someone talks incessantly and won’t listen when you say you need to leave or get off the phone. Or, equally, when someone completely dominates the conversation. I know I’m a good listener and everything (I am), but it’s more than a little insulting when I can’t talk about anything going on in my life after listening to you talk about your boyfriend for 3 hours. I beg of you, if we’re going to have a conversation, let’s have a two-way conversation.
When someone acts like a joke I made wasn’t a joke and explains why my comment was somehow wrong. Example:

Me: “Today has been really hard. I wish I had a carefree life. Yeah…I wish I could be, like, a Care Bear or something.”

Person who seems to hate me for some reason: “Um, sweety…it’s not really possible for you to be a Care Bear. People are people and bears are bears.”

Me: “Thank you so much for the advice. Now that you say it, it seems silly to want to be a fictional, colorful bear that lives in the clouds. What was I thinking? I promise to be completely literal for the rest of my days.”

Want to be a Care Bear? Well, you can't.

4. Do you have a nickname now or from childhood? How did you get it? I could list about 20 nicknames, most of which are some variation of the combination of Carly and Curly (Curly, Curls, etc.), but I won’t. My dad has also called me Coyote for a long time, but I’m not sure where that one came from.

5. What is your favorite book of all time? Ok, this is a little uncomfortable for me, but I’m finally going to admit to something I’ve kept secret for a while. Unfortunately, due to the high level of book reading discrimination in the blogging world (and the actual world), this admission will probably harm my reputation as a blogger. Deep breath…ok, here we go… Friends, I hate reading. There. I said it. Have mercy on me! Anyway, I still force myself to read some, but it’s not easy and it’s resulted in my having read very few books, other than those I had to read in school. I really do try, but I just can’t pay attention. I have six books sitting on my nightstand right now, most of which have been there for over a year. Anyway, my favorite non-fiction is Blink by Malcom Gladwell and favorite fiction would be this one book I had to read that I can never remember the name of…a suspenseful one written by a Russian about a guy who murders this lady (or guy? Or guys?) and is then paranoid about being caught. Clearly it left an impression. Or Jane Eyre, that one was bearable.

6. If you had the power, what is one change you would make in this world? Pageants designed to make 4 year-old girls look like prostitutes would be outlawed.

7. Would you prefer jelly beans, Cadbury cream eggs or Reese’s eggs? Why? Oh, GIRL. Let me tell you about my love for Cadbury cream eggs. I once ate 4 boxes in a day. Ah, yes, my younger days were filled with adventure and caloric irresponsibility. I actually just bought a few yesterday. It disappoints me to inform you that the size of the egg has decreased significantly over the past few years, while the price has gone up significantly. What a scam.

My nest of eggs. I protect them like they're my own eggs...I mean, if I was a bird.

8. If you could have any super power, what would it be and why? Other than being able to travel in time? Being able to have presentable hair without actually having to do it would be miraculous. Left to its own devices, my undone hair could scare the very life out of you. Maybe if I’m feeling humorously generous, I’ll take a picture and show it to you some time.

9. Describe yourself in three adjectives. Silly, analytical, independent.

10. Do you prefer Harry Potter, Twilight, Hunger Games or Lord of the Rings? Why? I’ll say Harry Potter because I finally finished the first book and movie (after a year or so). I’m working on the second. Haven’t seen Hunger Games. Watched the first half of Twilight and fell asleep. Tried to watch Lord of the Rings at the request of an old boyfriend and wanted to throw a hammer at the TV just to make it end. Obviously I haven’t read them either.

11. What is your favorite musical and why? Easy. Wicked, because that’s the only musical I’ve seen. Don’t hate me, musical lovers!

The rules of this game stipulate that I have to create 11 new questions and ask those of 11 other bloggers. Even if you’re not one of these bloggers tagged (or a blogger at all), please take the time to answer these questions in your head, as I’m sure thinking them over will benefit you in some way.

My questions:

Why won’t Christina Aguilera just cover it up already?
If Dirk Nowitzki asked you to play him in a game of basketball, would you jump at the chance or decline to prevent eventual humiliation?
Do you think dogs know the difference between male and female humans?
If everyone in the world agreed to shave their heads, would you be happy or upset that you would be expected to do the same?
Are you getting enough fiber? Are you??
Do you feel that your own sex or the opposite sex has more advantages in our day and age?
If the world voted to deem weeds as “beautiful,” like flowers and trees, would you be happy or upset?
If Facebook and Twitter suddenly went away, how would this impact you? In other words, how engrained or ungrained are they in your life? Would you suddenly have very few friends, or the exact same number as before?
Which stage of the mourning process are you in regarding Oprah’s exit from her TV show? Be honest.
If someone fist-bumped you, would you a) fist-bump them back, b) ask why that person is such an awful punch thrower, or c) tell them it’s probably better to keep their hands to themselves at all times?
I believe there are two types of people in the world: those who are generally mentally energized after being around people and those who are generally mentally exhausted after being around people. Which are you?