CC’s Snippets: #2

Remember 3 months ago when I said I would be starting a series of shorter posts that would occur more frequently? I had every intention of following through on that, but things like watching Downton Abbey* marathon-style have gotten in the way. Anyway, back to the Snippets. (Click here for Introduction to CC’s Snippets).

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I’ve had some interesting encounters with creatures this summer. Nothing crazy, like lions and tigers and bears, oh my, but nevertheless, there was some potential for danger.

1) First, my brother, my mom’s dog and myself all had the bright idea to sit on a bench while visiting my parents’ farm. This wasn’t an ordinary bench. This was a special bench with a beehive attached to the bottom of the seat. Fun! All three of us got stung by fairly irate bees containing an extra helping of extra potent poison. It hurt. For a long time. I’ll spare you the pictures of my sting, seeing as how, at the time, I could’ve won the “Palest Woman in the World (Except for Hermits)” award.

2) Next, on the same trip, we found this little bugger. See if you can spot the eyes. He’s looking at you!

Here, tarantula! Come to momma! Then get away from me.

3) On a recent trip with my family and some of our lifelong friends (Hey, Alaska Crew!), I was sitting outside with everyone else, looking at the stars and unknowingly spilling s’mores down the front of my shirt when it happened. I was discussing a great TV show about animal & insect infestation with our friend Cloudy (Hi, Cloudy!), when suddenly I felt a tickle on my little piggie that went to market (i.e., one of my toes). In what I can only describe as an instinctual, uncontrollable foot shaking spell, I tried desperately to fling the mystery creature from my leg into the deep, dark wilderness. Or at least onto someone else’s leg. Cloudy still had his wits about him, so he gained control over the leg and threw the evil-doer to the ground. Then he told me it was a scorpion. Scorpion?? At first I thought I could’ve died, but then everyone assured me a bite would’ve been painful, but not life threatening. Here’s the scorpion post-mortem. I think at least 3 people were involved in his murder.

Perhaps he needs a band-aid?

4) On the same trip, several of us were in the water when a snake, in the very same water, swam by us. I think I can deal with a snake on land, but a snake in water isn’t ideal. I’m gonna start swimming in a shark cage (one with really little holes, of course).

5) This isn’t an exotic creature, but I couldn’t help notice the resemblance to Peter Pan or a soldier. She means business.

Yes, that’s a blanket and she placed it that way by herself.

*If you watch this, you know what I’m talking about. Can you believe that Mary…and what a horrid person O’Brien is…and isn’t Matthew just the cutest??…and what about when Bates confessed to you know what…and did you cry when they agreed to help that one person with that one medical condition…and….poor, poor Edith. Nobody cares about Edith.

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This wasn’t even close to the desired length of a CC’s Snippet. It’s really difficult to share a picture or story without adding useless commentary. Please be patient; this is going to take some getting used to.

I’m a Marked Woman

Hey there, long lost readers!  The real world has been busy lately and the blog has taken a backseat.  Now that I’ve had a minute to catch my breath and fold the 3 baskets of laundry sitting on my bedroom floor, I’ll share some mildly humiliating information with you.

I don’t think I’ve said it outright on the blog before, but there seems to be a rule that if something funny, embarrassing or painful is going to happen to anyone in my family, it will happen to me.  The following series of events just happen to support that claim.

A couple of weeks ago, Bella and I were at the dog park, when the unthinkable happened.   I was sitting on the grass talking to my friend when his 115 lb. horse dog came over to cuddle with me.  Only, get this…he didn’t want to cuddle at all.   Instead, he PEED on me.  Not a little.  A lot.  The quantity was shocking.  As it turns out, a horse-sized dog can hold a lot more liquid than an overweight* beagle.

Okay, I’m being dramatic.  It wasn’t that bad.  Believe it or not, I wasn’t even bothered.   Why, you ask?  The answer is threefold:

  • I was able to find the humor in the situation
  • I had a spare shirt in the car
  • I had been through this before

It’s true.  I had already been marked.

A few months prior, my family and I were enjoying a beautiful, mosquito-filled evening in my parents’ backyard.  I decided to say hello to the neighbors’ dogs through the fence.  I took a seat on a lovely garden stone (fancy word for “rock”) and the dogs raced over.  After we greeted each other, I suddenly felt something wet on my shirt.  My first thought was that the sprinklers had come on.  Luckily, my cognitive abilities were in tip-top shape that day, so I was able to figure out what actually happened pretty quickly.  I had been the victim of a pee crime.  And, of course, everyone else was watching and laughing and “eww gross, you have pee on your shirt!”ing.  My mini-mom then brought me a mini-mom shirt to change into.  While changing, I could hear comments in the distance such as “of course that would happen to her” and “duh…it’s Carly.”  So…this is my legacy?  :(

As I was telling my sister story #1 from up above, she responded with “Wow, so you’ve been peed on 3 times?!”  Blast!  Yes…I had somehow forgotten about that other time.

Last year, my family and I went to my sister’s boyfriend’s (now fiance’s!) house to hang out.  Due to it being roughly 150 degrees outside, the nearby cities were conducting rolling blackouts to save energy.  Before we could watch TV (or whatever else we were going to do with electricity), the power went out .  We decided to play a game of charades in the dark.  Meanwhile, the fiance’s dog, Sammy, was being adorable.  I held her in my lap and we cuddled and I sang songs to her and…ok, no I didn’t sing.  But we bonded and it was ever so special.  A bit later, I stood up for my turn and felt a strange warmness/coolness all at once.  No, there was no VapoRub in sight.  I thought for sure I must have spilled my water bottle in my lap, but then my sister handed me the harsh truth:  “Carly!  She peed all over you!”  I begged her to say it wasn’t so, but all hope was lost when she confirmed that this wasn’t Sammy’s first pee-on-person experience.  And so, I was marked.

I’ve made quite a few trips to the dog park lately and haven’t had any other close calls.  You better believe I’ll be on the watch for those peeing types.  And I wouldn’t dare wear that fire hydrant costume again.

*Formerly obese.  Progress!

“Hey! I Was Gonna Eat That!”

Things were anything but calm around my house today. My roommate Allison came home to find the aftermath of my dog’s food-related rampage. She went hog wild. Or should I say…dog wild. First, she managed to reach a to-go container full of food that was sitting on the counter. Then, she figured out how to open the container despite her lack of opposable thumbs. Baffling, I know.

Allison sent me this photo. I was slightly offended by the message attached to it: “Did you do this?”

But that’s not all. Last night, Allison had set a ramekin of green beans on the table for me. Yes, she was making me eat my vegetables. What a drag, right?! Well, somehow I missed that memo, but my dog did not. In her effort to scarf them down, she knocked my beloved ramekin to the ground, leaving shards of glass all over the floor. But don’t worry, she was able to pick out every last bit of food without scratching her nimble little paws.

Oh good, I’m not the only one who breaks these things.

When I came home, there was no question of her guilt. Before I even gave her the “you’re in trouble” voice, she cowered in fear. I felt just like a dad whose kids were waiting for their punishment that mom was too weak to hand out. After I told her to come, she scooted over to me at a rate of approximately .35 MPH with her head lowered and eyes squinted. Allison and I tried to hide our laughter, but it was just too funny. After her long journey, I calmly told her she had been bad and grounded her for a week. That’ll teach her.

How can you not laugh at this?

Thank goodness she wasn’t able to reach a bowl of frosting that was sitting next to the to-go container. I have no doubt she tried.

I should’ve seen this coming. On two separate, recent occasions, I’ve come home to find unscathed Twizzlers strewn about my bedroom floor.* Actually eating the food was clearly the next step.

Author’s Note: I don’t normally keep refrigeration-necessary food sitting out all willy-nilly. I had taken a few things out of the fridge this morning to reach more important food and forgot to put them back before I left the house. As for the green beans, I’ve theorized that my subconscious tricked me into leaving them out so that the dog would eat them and I wouldn’t have to. Brilliant, right?! Kids? Hello?! Are you kidding me? There aren’t any kids out there to back me up? Whatever.

*I did not eat said Twizzlers. But I was tempted.