Remember when I met the talkative neighbor girl a few months ago? She’s the one that gave me unsolicited advice about online dating and thought I was married to my father. Well, we had another interesting series of conversations today.
Upon pulling into my driveway, I heard her screaming “Carly!!!” while riding down the street on her bike. She jumped off the bike and quickly explained that she would have gotten home sooner, but her friend had an accident they had to tend to.
Me: “What happened to your friend?”
Girl: “Oh, you know…she got a hook stuck in her leg.”
Me: “Ouch! Is she ok?”
Girl: “Yeah, she’ll be fine. I kind of feel bad because it was all my idea. I convinced her to play where we weren’t supposed to. Then she got the hook in her leg. It’ll be fine though. Can I walk your dog??”
I give her the dog, they head off on their walk and 15 minutes later, she rings the doorbell.
Girl: “I’m not returning Bella yet, I just wanted to tell you your garage door is still open. Actually, can I play with Bella inside?”
Me: “Umm….only if you make sure it’s okay with your parents first.”
She runs across the street and returns almost instantaneously with approval, but with the caveat that it’s from her brother (the one who likes to look at pictures of pretty girls on the internet). Eh, good enough. I’ve briefly spoken to her parents and I’m pretty sure they’d be happy to have her out of the house for a few minutes anyway.
She comes in and talks to me and Allison (the roommate) for a bit, all while feeding Bella and trying to get the dog to not hate her (they so would not be Best Friends Forever).
Things get serious fast. First topic: religion. Here’s an excerpt of that mini-convo:
Allison: “So, you’re Mormon, right?”
Girl: “How did you know that??”
Allison: “Well, you just said your brother’s on his mission and your grandparents live in Utah. Carly and I both have Mormon friends, we know all about it.”
Girl: “Oh. Well, I’m not just Mormon.”
Me: “What do you mean? What else are you?”
Me and Allison: ??? (in our heads)
Girl: “Well, I think I’m part Jew…I have 5 cousins that live in Texas who are all Jews, but the rest of my family is Mormon.”
This conversation ended with me and Allison trying to understand her extensive and overly complicated family tree. We never did.
She then told me I should adopt some babies. I guess she forgot that we’ve already been over this. Somebody hasn’t been paying attention.
Next, the three of us and the dog sat in the living room to chat. She did most of the chatting, while Allison and I tried to hold back our laughter. It went something like this:
Girl: “You know, sometimes I think that, um, well, Bella just isn’t very happy.”
Me: “She seems pretty happy to me most of the time. She’s just a laid back dog.”
Girl: “No…I can tell she’s sad. Maybe you need to get a second dog to make her happy.”
Me: “She actually seems bothered around other dogs, so I don’t think that would make her very happy.”
Girl: “I know a dog that’s half yorkie and half dalmatian. I think…”
(Side Note: I would love to see a Yorkie birth a Dalmatian).
Just then, Girl’s phone rings.
Girl: “I’m at Carly’s house.” [mother talks] “You know, Carly… the neighbor.” [mother talks] “Yeah, the one with the beagle. Ok, bye.”
Me: “Does your mom need you to go home?” (fingers crossed)
Then she looked outside to see Bella taking care of her business.
Girl: “Eww! Gross!”
Me: “What can I say? Bella likes to poop.”
Girl: “I bet she has diarrhea. I had diarrhea today.”
Me and Allison: ???? (in our heads and clearly expressed via our faces)
About 5 seconds later, I hear the tippity tapping of Allison on her phone and my phone alerts me that I have a text message. Before I can even read it…
Girl: “Are y’all texting each other?!?”
Girl: “But I heard you texting and then Carly’s phone went off.”
Me: “That was a text from someone else.”
Girl: “Then what were you doing, Allison??”
Allison: “Just emailing people.”
Yes, we lied, for fear of being chastised by a 9 year-old.
Meanwhile, Girl is trying to get Bella to play with her. Bella’s patience is wearing thin. She eventually finds a place to sleep in peace half-way under a table.
Girl: “I think your dog is ¼ hound. Did you know that?”
Me: “I did not. I probably don’t even know what a hound is.”
Girl: “Did you know that my principal’s first name is Jennifer?”
Me: “Can’t say that I did.”
Allison: “Carly, don’t you need to paint tonight?”
Me: “Oh, yeah. Welp Girl, I think I’m gonna start painting now.”
Girl: “Can I help you paint??”
Me: “I don’t think so, I’ll take care of it by myself.”
Me: “Nah, I think it would be better for me to do it.”
Girl: “How about just one brush stroke?!”
Me: “Yeah…I don’t think so. Thanks for walking Bella, Girl.”
A couple hours later, Allison and I realized that Bella was acting very strangely. Her behavior was that of a dog who has been annoyed to the point of delirium. Then, a haunting thought: the dog wasn’t like that before Girl took her on that walk. Something happened out there. Something bad. And I’ll probably never know the truth…at least until Girl opens her mouth again.