A Kardashian Katastrophe

So…did you hear??  Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from Kris Humphries!  Ok, I know this is old news by now, but still, it’s worth discussing.

I used to watch “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” when it first began. If you haven’t seen it, don’t.  Once you start, it’s hard to turn back.  Even though you know it’s harmful to your mental health, you’ll continue to watch.  It’ll suck you in.  After a while, you’ll start to think that Kardashian-like behavior is normal.   Oh, you say you need examples?  Here you go:

  • Speaking with a painfully obvious fake voice
  • Wearing unreal amounts of make-up
  • Talking about an event that happened in the past as if it’s currently happening

Even if you want to quit, it’ll be close to impossible because they are everywhere.  And they’re like roaches- there’s a million of them, they come out at night and I wouldn’t be surprised if they carry disease.

Anyway, I say all this so that you’ll understand why I’m familiar with their show.  Even though I pretty much can’t stand them, I’ve watched my fair share of episodes. 

Once they started getting engaged, I couldn’t take it anymore.  I refused to watch anything related to Kim’s or Khloe’s weddings.  I knew it would be the epitome of annoying girly stuff.

After Kim got engaged, I found out the basics of her relationship:

  • She and Kris got engaged after knowing each other for almost no time at all.
  • Kris was quite a bit younger than her.
  • Kris was a professional athlete.  Of course.
  • Kris had the same name as Kim’s mom, Kris.  How convenient.  And how convenient that his name started with a “K.”  She probably picked him out of the “Professional Athlete” phonebook based on the compatibility of his name with the Kardashian Empire’s naming convention.

Even though I went out of my way to avoid hearing/watching/reading about Kim’s whole shebang, I was still exposed to it.  I had to listen to this garbage for months.  I was successful in my efforts to not watch the FOUR HOUR long wedding special, but somehow I still knew that Kim and Kris didn’t have any chemistry, talked to each other with a complete lack of respect and that Kim’s sisters yelled at him frequently.  The one thread of hope I held onto was the fact that we would all have at least a few years of peace and quiet once the wedding was over.

Wrong.  A mere 72 days after the wedding, the “marriage” was over.  I feel uncomfortable even calling it a marriage.  They didn’t even try.  Most 8th graders have relationships that last longer than that (I didn’t).  And even if they did have “irreconcilable differences,” could they not have just faked it for a little while longer?  I mean, people invested a lot of time in this ridiculous circus.  The least they could do is act like it was time well-spent. 

The rumor is that it was all a sham for publicity.  I can definitely see that being the case.  If that is true, I wish they would’ve thought of our feelings before pulling a stunt like that.

I can’t imagine what could have possibly happened to make them call it quits so soon.  Perhaps one of the following:

  • Kris found a loop-hole in the pre-nup. and decided it was time to cash out
  • There wasn’t room for Kris on the Kardashians’ 17th reality show
  • Producers feared Kris and Kim would take the attention away from their efforts to exploit the two youngest Kardashian sisters (they’ve already started doing this)
  • Kris realized how annoying Kim and her family are

As usual, I’ve done my best to see the silver lining in all of this.  There are a number of lessons we can learn from this tragedy:

  • Celebrities probably shouldn’t get married.
  • If you’d like to have a big party, but can’t justify the cost, call it a wedding.
  • Sometimes people will surprise you (i.e., Khloe’s marriage lasting longer than Kim’s).
  • The more you spend on your wedding, the less likely your marriage is to succeed (I’ve always believed this- no, this isn’t based on any kind of statistic, just observation) .
  • Always keep a divorce attorney on retainer.
  • Kardashians are like dogs that do tricks over and over…if you reward them by watching their four-hour long wedding specials, they’re just gonna keep getting married.

11 thoughts on “A Kardashian Katastrophe

  1. The only reason to watch the Kardashians is to see them get old and wrinkly while trying to hang onto their youth, while the younger sisters begin to hog the spotlight as the producers realize the next shift has come in, and then the real drama of wasted time and wasted lives will make for great viewing. Since that’s about ten years away, I’m setting my timer.

  2. Oh I don’t think they care about you, each other, or even themselves. I think the only thing they care about is making money. Take this as a warning: The love of money can lead you to do some very horrible things.

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